What's on your mind?

What's on my mind?

i'm thinking about school and how i'm going to pull my grades up this year while still being able to maintain some friendships that are already slipping away i sort of feel like i'm losing grasp of everything in my life even though i am firmly holding on and i think about thinking and why i do it so much and i think about trust and whether or not i'll ever be able to put my whole heart into someone else's hands again but i look back and i remember i'm only seventeen and i make mistakes and i learn from those mistakes even though letting go is the hardest part and this is somewhat like how i write in my journals because i think that organized thought is for people who've been whipped by society. this is my stream of conciousness and this is how my brain works and i stopped talking to people because i felt like our talks were meaningless rants and complaints and gaia is a really good community because i feel like i have to censor myself somewhat with language even though i spit profanities like a sailor which i am trying to work on by using more euphemisms like what the fizz and oh snap except oh snap reminds me of that's so raven, and i was never a big fan of that show i don't watch tv very often anymore because i feel like i could be so much more productive than waste away in front of a box plugged into another box i like to listen to music and think to myself. writing in this form lets me get all my thoughts out and once i'm done i go back and i highlight what i said and all the key points and everything that ever made sense in my life and i think about those thoughts and they give birth to even more thoughts and i think about my friend and how he opened up to us today and how he told me he had to see a shrink every month which i had no idea since i didn't know he abhored himself to that point which makes me want to be a better friend which is hard, since i can't even be a good friend to my best friend who i currently "have beef" with because i don't see her applying herself like i believe she can, because she is too caught up in a puppy love relationship as is my other best friend and basically i'm alone but i'm self discovering and i have never been happier in my life yet disappointed i really want to make amends with him. i'll be happy if he even speaks to me but i know him and i know that if he calls something off, then it's off for good. i don't expect anything. the only expectations i have are the ones i set for myself. and i should end here, otherwise... i'll draw up an encyclopedia of meaningless ramble which is suppose to answer the initial question:

What's on your mind?

and these are the kinds of things that boggle my head every. single. day.